I dream in color

This morning...

2011-10-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

...we took a drive up Little Cottonwood Canyon with our next door neighbors in tow to see if we could get a few family pictures in the fall foliage. Here's a specimen.

After pictures we had a lovely al fresco lunch and let the kids explore nature while we were surrounded by it. The colors were so breathtaking and the temperature was the perfect balance of cool and warm. It made me wish that I could find time to visit the canyon more often than I do.

Family fun for the 4th

2011-07-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

We went to Star Valley, WY for the 4th of July weekend and my WHOLE family was there! Thanks, Matthew and Karen, for flying in at the last minute to make this picture possible!

We had some quality cousin time, lots of volleyball, cards, name games and golf cart rides. We had lots of laughs, a few tears, a few stubbed toes (thanks to the annual sockey game), a little music and a ton of fun. That place truly is Heaven on Earth.

Hand prints

2011-06-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, we had some concrete poured on the side of our new house. When we first talked about putting concrete there, I told Dan that I would REALLY love to get the kids hand prints in the concrete. I told him that since this is our "forever house" I wanted to remember how small our kiddos were when we moved in. I wanted to preserve something of their childhood that could never be lost or washed away.

You see, I'm sentimental like that.

He is not.

He said no.

On the day they poured the concrete, we had great fun watching the big truck spinning and the men wearing those awesome boots, walking around in the muck and smoothing it out. They were there for 5 hours and after 4 and a half, I thought I'd give it one more try.

"I suppose it's too late for hand prints..." I said.

"Yeah." Was his short, full answer.

I gave up and put the baby to bed.

As I left the baby's room and sat down at the table to work on a project, Dan came running in from the garage.

"Come on! Hand prints! Let's go!"

As I stared at him in mute amazement, I thought I could see the touch of a grin on his face. When he started rallying the kids and herding them to the driveway, I knew he was serious and I didn't even hesitate as I ran into the baby's room and snatched him from his crib.

By the time I got to the driveway, our oldest daughter was walking back to the house to wash her hand off and he had our second daughter's hand pressed into the soft, wet rock. Jack was next, and then Dan helped me by holding the baby as I pressed his little hand into the cement.

Then, Dan carefully etched the childrens initials above each of their hand prints.

It was done.

A part of our children was frozen in time.

I don't want to wish the time away, but a part of me is secretly excited for the day when my grandchildren discover the prints and lead their parents by the finger to the spot and ask them to put their hand out to see how they've grown.

So anyway...

2011-06-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

I went to lunch today with my darling cousins, my sister, my aunt, my mother and my grandmother and let me tell you: it was good to get some girl time in. These women are amazing and very unique. They inspire me and I love to be around them.

In fact, I want to dedicate this post to them. Thanks for the inspiration, girls. Because of you I want to get back to blogging. So here it is...

I'm back.

I'm not promising daily posts, but I'm recommitting to my blog.

Stay tuned.

Happy one-month birthday and some news

2010-09-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Happy one-month birthday to my sweet Nathan! I call him my little piece of heaven because he is just that. He's so precious and perfect and I LOVE HIM! I just can't get enough of him.

Here are a few pictures from his first month:

Oh, and our news... We're moving back to Utah! Dan got a job with GE Capital in Draper, UT! So we are in the process of selling our home and getting ready to move! Nothing like cramming a few different life changes into a short space of time, eh? (He got the job three days before Nathan was born.) Anyway, we're excited but we love Portland and will really miss our friends here. Such is life, I guess.

Welcome to the world, little one.

2010-08-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

Nathan James Wadsworth
August 23rd, 2010
4:45 PM
8 lbs. 14 oz., 21"

I love you, son.

2010-07-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated Birthday, Jack. I didn't post on your birthday, but we did celebrate it. We went out of town the next day and the girlies dance recital was that night so it was a bit crazy, but here are some pictures of the occasion.

One of our family birthday traditions is that we have birthday cake for breakfast. Another is that the kids get to put sprinkles on their cake. Jack had a lot of fun with that one... until the sprinkles ran out.

We gave you a bike and a water gun for your birthday as well, but you got those a little early. This race track was the only present you actually opened on your birthday. You loved it though, and you and Daddy played with it for a few hours that morning.

At the girlies dance recital that night.

And finally, some random pictures of you:

I thought I would take this opportunity to list a few of the things I love about you:

I love your freckles and the cleft in your chin - the only physical traits that you got from your daddy.

I love it when you look at me with your big cheesy grin and your squinty eyes say "Mommy happy?" It inevitably makes me happy.

I love your little brown back with a distinct line at your waist just above your little white bum.

I love that you love Beethoven.

I love that you love your sisters.

I love that you love babies. (It's a good thing you do, too, with baby brother on the way!)

I love your sound effects.

I love that since before you were two, you could hear the difference between an airplane and a helicopter flying overhead.

I love it when you say "take me" - which means you want to be held.

I love that you still love to snuggle.

I love that you call toilet paper "toppa pitcher."

I love your hilarious little laugh.

I love your pudgy hands and feet.

I love your dramatic facial expressions.

I love that you recognize how others are feeling and are concerned when someone is sad.

I love how you line up your cars (and other toys) in a row.

I love that you put your toys under your chair at the dinner table.

I love that when you want to go swimming, you say "I want to paddo paddo."

I love that you were brave enough to try tubing this summer.

I love that the on the night of your birthday, when Daddy was putting you to bed, you said to him: "Thank you for my birthday."

You are such a sweet boy, and such a blessing in my life. You are so happy and joyful that you are like a little ray of sunshine. I guess it was prophetic when I used to call you "my little sunshine boy" from the time you were born.

I love you, son.

Love,
Mommy

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to all of the wonderful fathers out there!

To all fathers who take their role as a father seriously - Thank you for understanding how important you are to the successful rearing of the rising generation. Your steady influence and gentle guidance is of immeasurable value.

To my own Dad, and my wonderful father-in-law - Thanks for all you have done and continue to do for me and my little family. I'm so grateful for you and your love and support.

To the father of my children - Thanks, honey, for all you do for our family. Our kiddos love you and have a wonderful example in you of a person who knows how to work hard and loves what is right and good. Thank you for honoring the priesthood that you hold and exercising it in the guiding of our family.

And as Molly said this morning, "Thanks for getting money for us." Love you, babe.

Spring?

2010-06-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

These are the tulips that bloomed in my front yard....

...in March.

I know I live in the Pacific NW, but really, the rain this year has been a little out of control. We had the 3rd wettest May in Oregon's recorded history....

I have always loved the rain here. It has never bothered me.

But this year?

Yeah... I'm ready for summer.

Oh Garbage

2010-05-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

The other day I asked Jack if he had finished his corndog. He said yes. His plate was clear, but just moments before I had seen half of a corndog still on his plate....

"Jack, what did you do with the rest of your corndog?"

"I frowed it a duh gahbage"

"Really?"... I hadn't seen him leave the table...

On the counter next to his chair, I found his little toy garbage can, (that goes with his toy garbage truck)...

...and guess what was inside...

When it rains, it pours

2010-05-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that 80's movie "Splash" with Tom Hanks and that blonde girl Darryl something - the mermaid? Do you remember that guy when he falls down the stairs and says, "What a WEEK I'm having!!" I could hear that exact line playing in my head today as I was driving home from taking Emma to the ER to get staples in her head.

I know there are SO many people out there with harder lives than mine, but this week has been a doozy in my book.

After a bout with the stomach flu followed by a day in the hospital getting rehydrated, (all while Dan was out of town,) this week has been a long road of recovery, topped with a trip to the ER.

Welcome weekend. Glad to see you.

Happy Birthday Emma!

2010-05-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Emma had a great 6th birthday today; complete with a field trip to the zoo with her Kindergarten class, a water fight in the backyard and a "Pinkalicious" birthday cake topped with M&Ms (at her request).

She is such a fun-loving girl who is full... no wait... FULL of energy. She is extremely smart and is great at creating her own fun. Her imagination runs wild and she runs with it. She is a surprise every day and it is so great to be her mom.

Love you, Emma Joan! I'm so glad you're mine!

Like Father Like Son

2010-04-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

For some reason, Jack was wearing his hat last Sunday as we were getting ready for lunch after church. When we called him to the table, he took his hat off and hung it on his chair to get ready for prayer...

... just like he's seen Dan do a million times.

It warmed my heart and made me laugh. I hope he grows up to be just like his Dad.

Jack's posse

2010-04-21T12:37:00.001-07:00

Jack has a little playgroup with three other 2-yr-old boys in our ward. We have it once a week for 2 hours and rotate houses. It has been a great social experiment and I think all the boys are loving it. They are just so cute I had to take a picture the last time it was at my house. They will all be turning 3 sometime between May and September. Cute boys.

When the sun gets in your eyes...

2010-04-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

Jack was riding his bike in our circle this afternoon as the sun sank lower towards the horizon. He'd been out there for a good while when suddenly he stopped riding and started crying with his "hurt" cry. I went to him and asked what was wrong.

His response: "Da sun ud duh bonk ud duh eyes."

Translation: "The sun bonked me in the eyes."

I just had to laugh as I went to find his hat. I put it on under his helmet and he stayed out to ride for another hour.

A note about the bike: Yes, I know it's a girls bike. We just weren't prepared for him to be into bike riding when he was 2 1/2, or for him to get so good at it so quickly. By mid-summer we'll probably have to take off the training wheels. It scares me a little. I can see dirtbiking in his not-so-distant future...

Cleaning out the attic

2010-04-16T12:57:00.001-07:00

Since we found out we're having a boy, we decided to get rid of all of our girl clothes that we've been hanging on to "just in case." This is what we got to sort through.

We have 5 garbage bags full of clothes going to the Goodwill (or DI if we can find one - Goodwill is just closer and easier), and the rest we're trying to sell on Craigslist. Except for the things that I'm keeping for my nieces, or for my girls for their girls. What a project!

It was so fun seeing clothes the girlies wore when they were tiny. Surprisingly, it's the clothes that they just grew out of that are the hardest to part with. Perhaps it's because it's proof that they are growing and there's nothing I can do about it. And would I change it if I could? No.... but still....

Such conflicting emotions. Just from cleaning out the attic.

Sigh.

Because I want to remember...

2010-04-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

Hi honey,

I want you to know that I heard you doing the dishes for me last night, as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep at 8:30.

It made me cry.

I had walked past that sink-full of dishes, knowing it was my night, and consciously made the decision to put it off until the morning (and you know how much I hate doing that....seriously). I didn't have one shred of energy left and I was aching all over. So when I heard you open the dishwasher and pull the rack out, I was overcome with gratitude.

And when you decided to stay and read to the girls instead of going to the church early to enter your stats....

And when I heard you coming in the house at 8:15.....That you hurried back for me.....

There aren't words.... but I'll try anyway.

Thank you for understanding how hard this insomnia has been for me this week. 14 hours of sleep in a week is just not enough.

Thank you so much for all you did last night to let me rest. I needed it so much.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

I love you,

Michelle

Tea parties

2010-04-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

The girls had a tea party a couple of weeks ago when they each had a friend over.
Jack really wanted to join in on the fun, but the tea set only had 4 place settings. So he had a tea party with Mommy all by himself and LOVED it!

My own little Mr. Darcy!

We're having a....

2010-03-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

BOY!!!

And we're SO excited about it!!! Now for a name...

Fun Sabbath Day Activities

2010-03-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, do I have a lot of catching up to do!! I just uploaded a bunch of pictures, so hopefully this week will be conducive to blogging.

I just wanted to post about a little project I did this morning. This came to me after receiving the spiritual equivalent to a slap in the face. I was thumbing through the March Ensign the other day and came across a quote by a prophet (Pres. Spencer W. Kimball) about how the Sabbath day should be treated. It goes like this:

“The Sabbath calls for constructive thoughts and acts, and if one merely lounges about doing nothing on the Sabbath, he is breaking it.”

Whoa.... I'm the one you can usually find in their pjs within 5 minutes of getting home from church. Lounging is my favorite Sabbath activity, so you can imagine how this quote shook me to the core!

Well, I decided to make a change and found a list of fun family activities that are appropriate for the Sabbath. Then I found a jar and decorated it. I cut the list of activities into strips, folded them and put them in the jar. Now when the kids ask "What can we do today?" on a Sunday, I have a place for them to turn to!

Jar before:

Jar after:

I put the quote on the back of the jar as a gentle reminder of what prompted this in the first place:

So resourceful

2010-03-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

The other day, Emma and Molly were both trying to use the handtowel that was hanging on the towel ring at the same time.

The result?... a big hole in the wall where the ring used to be.

Needless to say, neither of us (Dan or I) were very happy about it. The girls got a good talking-to from me while Dan tried to figure out a way to fix the problem.

A little while later, Emma said she had a surprise for us. We walked in the bathroom and this is what we saw.

It is a combination of the old towel ring, the new towel ring base, some scotch tape and a wire tie.

Emma was so darn proud of herself, while maintaining proper humility for having landed in this scrape in the first place, that we found it too difficult to stay mad any longer. I had to laugh at her resourcefulness.

Cravings

2010-02-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

Today I got a hankering for a Snickers bar. It just wouldn't leave me alone! Finally when the girls were at school and Jack was down for a "rest," I asked Dan (who was working from home) if he would listen for Jack so I could run to the store and get one.

(Yes, I drove to the store just for that.)

On my way there, my phone rang. It was Dan: "Get one for me too."

I'm so glad he understands.

Olympic fever

2010-02-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

I love the Olympics!

Ever since I was little, I've loved them. I love the feeling of unity that they bring to the world.

It was so fun to stay up and watch the Opening Ceremony last night. I let the kids stay up and watch with us. Emma dropped off to sleep around 8:30 or so. Jack held on until about 9:30 or 10. But Molly stayed up for the whole thing.

We had to watch it on tape delay - (so much for living in the same time zone as the Olympics, right?) - so it didn't start until 9:00. They had a really neat preview from 7:30 to 9:00 where they talked about Canada's history, and about the tragedy of the Luge athlete who died yesterday. So sad. Hopefully the other luge athletes will be safe. I'm a little nervous about that track...

Anyway, I was so impressed that they were willing to accept the change when the torch malfunctioned and go on with the show. Overall, I thought the opening ceremony was well done.

Now..... Let the games begin!

Handmade sweaters from Grandma

2010-02-11T16:04:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like a handmade gift. The hours of thought and care that go into a gift like this make it a true keepsake.

Thanks, Grandma Brynne. The girlies love their new sweaters.

Busted

2010-02-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

The secret is out.

Jack knows.

He found the decoy in the pile of clean laundry on the couch waiting to be folded.

He brought them both to me today and announced in an excited voice:
"Two blankies!"

I just hope there won't be repercussions...

Creative freedom

2010-02-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like my kids live in the land of creative communism. Their crafts are often limited to what I am willing to clean up... and these days, that's not much.

Surprisingly, beads, etc. are fine - I can vacuum up the mess. But paints and playdough... ugh. Those require manual labor to clean up.

Don't get me wrong. I want my kids to be able to create and experiment and improve their artistic talents, and I try hard to give them opportunities; but lately, I've found that bending over and cleaning things up are not conducive to the prevention of "evening sickness," if you will.

The other day as we were shopping for blank cards for the girls to make homemade Valentines, I found wooden birdhouses in the clearance bin.

The girls were in love.

They've been pretty good lately.

We bought three.

That evening however, after cleaning up from round 1 of making Valentines, the girls asked if they could paint their birdhouses.

(Sigh....) "Not right now girls. It's time for bed."

I knew the moment would come when reality would catch up with me. After all, "raw" birdhouses must be painted, right?... However, I just didn't feel the energy coming anytime soon to tackle the project. "What was I thinking?" is what I was thinking.

So tonight, you can imagine how grateful I was when Dan asked the girls if they wanted to paint their birdhouses.

"Yea!" I thought. "It's not on my shoulders! I don't have to do it alone!"
It ended up being a fun family night activity. I'm so glad that I have Dan to pick up the slack when I'm dragging and balance me out when I feel like the creativity gestapo. I was able to give my kids some creative freedom without being the only one around to clean up the mess and run interference on rogue paintbrushes.

(Thanks, honey. I don't know when they would ever have been painted otherwise.)

Announcing......

2010-02-03T13:29:00.001-08:00

Baby number 4 is on its way!

We are so excited! I'm due August 24th. We can't wait to meet our new little one!

Bed Time

2010-02-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

I love bed time.

Not the actual sleeping part, (unless it's an unforgettably good night's sleep - I've had 2 in my life) because that goes WAY too fast, and gets interrupted WAY too often, but the part right before: when I get to put my bookmark in my place, arrange my pillows all around me, turn off my lamp, snuggle down in my bed and try to keep my mind empty while I wait for sleep to take me.

Bed time is especially delicious after an extremely productive day. There is nothing more satisfying at the end of the day than knowing that you have used your time wisely for its duration. And after all, the harder I work, the better I sleep. It's almost enough to make me be extremely productive EVERY day!

Hmmmm....

What a novel idea.

Speaking of sleeping, I love this picture:

You would almost believe that they were asleep, except that Jack is saying "cheese" with his eyes closed.

The other give-away is that they looked like this 2 seconds earlier:

It's bed time. Good night!

Changing perspective

2010-01-31T20:23:00.001-08:00

Sometimes the best way to change your attitude is to change the way you look at things.

Another Emma-ism

2010-01-26T12:26:00.001-08:00

Our conversation as we walked to the bus today:

Emma (with a faraway look on her face): "Mom, someone's talking to us."

Mom: "Really? Who?"

Emma: "The wind."

Mom: "Oh. What's it saying?"

Emma (snapping back to Earth): "I don't know. I don't speak Wind."

I love this girl. Life would be so boring without her.

blogs

2010-01-19T20:05:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post a note to anyone out there who has a private blog that they may have at one time invited me to view... This blog is set up under Dan's account, so unless you send an invitation to him to view your blog, I can't add a link to your blog from this blog. Does that make sense? Anyway, I would love to have more links to my family and friends blogs on my blog, so if you are willing, send me an e-mail and I'll let you know where to send an invite. Thanks all!

Nothing to say...

2010-01-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

In my favorite book, the heroine says sarcastically that she is "unwilling to speak, unless (she) expect(s) to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb."

I often feel the same way about writing. If I have nothing interesting to write about, or at least an interesting way of writing about nothing, I don't write anything at all.

Hence the blanks in my blog.

Of course that's also due to my impatience about uploading pictures from my camera to my computer, but still...

My journal is the same way.

However, in transcribing my grandfather's journal, I've found that everyday events can be fascinating to an interested reader.

So, to anyone reading this: if you have any interest in me, I hope you will not be bored by my seemingly monotonous record of daily events. I shall try to be more consistent in recording them.

How about this?

2010-01-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

So no takers on the last change... How about this one? I like it, so it really doesn't matter.

(However, if you just can't contain your overwhelming feelings of love for my new look, feel free to praise and adore all you want. I thrive on props, you know...)

The new picture, like the old one, was taken at Heaven on Earth. I love it because it symbolizes the love and solidarity that I feel in my family.

There is no feeling more satisfying than knowing that you are where you belong; that you are doing what you should be doing. That's how I feel about my role in my family.

Changes

2010-01-06T21:12:00.001-08:00

I love starting a new year.

It's like getting a fresh start; a chance to recommit to yourself. It's a time to let GO of anything that's been holding you back, and look more optimistically toward the future. Goals always seem more attainable from this end of the year... which is probably why we have "New Year's Resolutions."

It's time to change what needs to be changed in my life, and celebrate the things that are doing just fine.

Let's start with my blog. Like the change?

(Positive comments only, if you please. If you don't like it, I really don't want to know.)

Merry Christmas

2009-12-23T15:08:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday at a special Christmas program at church, one of the speakers posed a very thought provoking question:

What if Christ had never been born?

The more I pondered this question the more astounded I became at the implications. I mean can you imagine a world without the example, not to mention the everlasting atonement, of our Savior, Jesus Christ?

As I thought of this question, I became filled with gratitude. Gratitude for Christ's divine birth, life and mission on this earth.

Merry Christmas everyone. God bless us all.

The roller coaster of being a woman

2009-12-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

What a wild ride it is to be a woman.

There are the moments when a simple thing like a Hallmark commercial, or the Taco Bell down the street getting your order right on the first try, or seeing your child do something kind, can bring tears to your eyes.

And there are moments when you can't believe "those words" just came out of your mouth, or when you simply can't take the bickering children for one more minute, or when you have to walk away before you hurt someone, and you realize you need a time out.

There are moments when beauty is found in everything from a shiny clean kitchen floor with the lights from your Christmas tree reflected in the wood planks, to a sleepy child's face with last night's bed head sticking out everywhere.

And there are moments when you can't find beauty in anything; when nothing seems to go right and although you know you should start counting your blessings, you "just don't feel like it."

Although there are many, MANY times when I don't feel this way, I am actually grateful for the roller coaster; because the lows, although not enjoyable, are at least evidence that I am capable of feeling.

And besides, I wouldn't trade the highs for anything.

Here are some pictures of just a few:

A note about the pictures:
The top one is my son, Jack, after clearing the living room floor all by himself, dancing his little heart out to his favorite music... Beethoven's "Ode to Joy."
The next one is my Molly at her first violin performance (the talent show at her school).
The next one is Miss Emma after sorting the entire box of markers. I love seeing my kids apply things they learned in school to things at home.
Then we have my girlies wandering through Heaven on Earth (aka Star Valley Ranch, WY).
And last, but not least, me holding Jack just moments after he was born. And though I could have posted similar pictures of my girls, I just love this one because it's like he's looking at me. I love that as a woman, I have the ability to be a mother. Oh the joy!

Self Awareness

2009-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

Now, lest anyone be deceived by my "I love being a mom" posts, and if my "The truth" post was not descriptive enough, let me just say that I am no where near being a perfect mom. I do LOVE being a mom, but that doesn't mean I'm perfect at it.

Not even close.

I wouldn't even say I'm a great mom. I'd say I'm right around the level of a good mom, with frequent dips to the level of "wow, you've got a lot to work on."

Well, lately I've been on the "wow, you've got a lot to work on" level more often than not. I have to say that it's in large part due to hormones, (need I say more?...), but partly because patience is a gift that I was not born with.

I had one of my most (if not THE most) gut-wrenching experiences of motherhood today. I won't go into detail, because frankly, I don't want to have to read the words ever again. (It's bad enough to have it replaying in my mind constantly.) Suffice it to say that one of my children said something to me today that made me instantly more self aware than I have ever been.

She did not yell, or scream at me.

She just sat there, in the rocking chair, and told me in a small voice how she felt.

And I was horrified.

It froze me where I stood.

Tears stung my eyes as they began to fall. They were drops of acid shame.

At first, there were no words. All I could do was hold my little girl and cry for the pain I had caused her.

And then, through our tears, we talked.

It made me realize that I have been seeing myself from my own critical, overly analytical, perspective, and making allowances for my hormonally imbalanced and sometimes completely irrational behavior, by saying it will pass and I'll be able to make it up to them later.

But what about my little ones?

They don't see things that way. They don't see the world in terms of "later."

What my daughter said to me today made me realize, as nothing has before, how deeply impacted my children are by my attitudes and behaviors, for good or bad.

And that if I would try to change my self-awareness - to be able to see myself from their perspective - I would be a much better mom.

Decking the Halls

2009-12-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

We compromised on a family tradition this year - the tradition being that we put up the Christmas tree on the Monday after Thanksgiving for family night.

Since our plane landed in Portland at about 4 PM on the Monday after Thanksgiving, we debated about sticking to tradition.

All the way home from the airport we went back and forth:

"We've got a lot to do before tomorrow."

"I'd like to have it up as long as possible."

"We're all so tired."

"I'm teaching all evening on Tuesday and leaving Wednesday - I don't want to wait till I get back..."

Yes, I won the debate.

Of course I didn't know that I won until I walked in the living room an hour after we got home, and Dan was setting up the tree.

Our compromise?

We didn't decorate it until the next morning.

The truth

2009-12-11T20:52:00.000-08:00

So I was chatting with a friend and fellow mom today and she told me that she reads my blog. She asked why I don't tell the truth about being a mom... that it's really a lot of hard work and can be extremely frustrating at times.

Well, Robie, although I may seriously regret posting this picture in the future, this one's for you.

This is what I look like more often than I'd like to admit; on the inside if not on the outside.

And yes, it's usually because of my children.

I agree that being a mom is a lot of hard work and can be extremely frustrating at times.

But truth be told, I love what I do, I love that my husband helps so much in the raising of our kids (and that he gives me a "time out" once in a while), and yes, I think it's worth it.

My Yoda

2009-12-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I had the opportunity to play some duets on the violin with my favorite violin teacher ever. He was my favorite because he made me the musician I am now. I started taking lessons from Jack Ashton when I was 15 years old. He was the type of teacher who was very hard to please, very demanding and would chew you out for not practicing enough... and you would love him for it.

I haven't taken a lesson from him in over 12 years, and yet, I could feel his influence returning as we rehearsed together on Wednesday night. I played better than I have in a long time just because he was playing with me. He is still so inspiring, so funny and so dear to me. He is my Yoda.

Sunny Thanksgiving

2009-12-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

We got to go to Dan's sister's house in Phoenix for Thanksgiving this year. (Thanks to my wonderful in-law's!!) The weather was warm and sunny.

The kids had a great time with their cousins. Aren't families wonderful?! I sure love mine!

Thankful

2009-11-30T21:58:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for family. My extended family, my ward family, the family of mankind... but especially my little family. Because they love me, forgive me, challenge me, kiss me, encourage me and inspire me every day. And they think I'm beautiful.

Thank you Dan, Molly, Emma and Jack.

I love you.

I am The Mom

2009-11-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was tucking Molly into bed, she asked me, "What do you think I'll be when I grow up?"

I said, "I hope you'll be a mommy like me."

"Is that the best job I could have?" she asked.

"It is the best job in the whole world," I answered. " And I love it."

Childhood

2009-11-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

Why does childhood have to go by so fast?

My own is now a hazy, patchy blur with only a few distinct memories: some funny, some not, some I wish I could trade in for ones that were forgotten.

Last night, as I played a song on the piano while my daughter sang the words with her sweet little girl voice, I thought, I am going to miss these days.

That was also my thought this morning as I was chasing my laughing, naked son around the kitchen with a sweatshirt in my hands, trying to aim just right so as to get his head through the hole on the first fly-by.

That was also my thought as I was scrubbing lunch out of my daughter's pants, and wiping the peanut butter off of her cute face five minutes before she had to catch the bus.

And as I cleaned up the counter after my daughter made her own pb&j for the first time.

And as I taped up another masterpiece by one of my daughters in the art gallery on my bedroom wall.

And as I snuggled in my bed with whoever got up first last Saturday morning.

And as I chased yellow, windblown leaves with my son at the park on the way home from the bus stop.

And as I read my son "just one more" story before his nap.

And as I sang my kiddos songs to them at bedtime.

And as I went into their rooms last night before I went to bed, pulled the matted hair back from their beautiful sleeping faces and gave them one more kiss goodnight.

I know that someday, they won't need me or want me to do these things for them.

And I know that I will wish they did.

True Love

2009-11-10T20:02:00.001-08:00

I can't help myself. I LOVE my kids.

Dan and I were discussing our interests last night and for the first time, I realized that my biggest personal interest right now is making sure that my kids are well cared for.

I know what you're thinking... "How can kids be your own personal interest?"

Good question.

I had always thought my interests were violin, reading, etc., but last night I realized that more than anything, I care about my kids well-being. I was actually shocked.

I've been mothering for seven years now - feeding, clothing, diapering, disciplining, teaching, kissing and hugging. I have always loved my children. Always. But I never realized how much a part of me they are.

It reminds me of my own personal definition of true love. I believe that true love between any two beings, is when you can feel every emotion for that person: love, frustration, happiness and sadness - in essence that their joy and pain are invariably connected to yours.

I love my kids. I truly do.

Abby

2009-11-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

Abby Maile is an incredible person. I know this and I've never even met her.

Her husband, Naki, and my sister's husband, Frank, are cousins. As is the usual course of things, the wives of husbands who are friends, become friends themselves. This was the case with Heather and Abby.

Heather has told me about Abby on several occasions: how much she admires her amazing parenting abilities, her patience and her strength. These characteristics have been put to good use... Abby is the mother of six daughters: Line, Malia, Lose, Eli, Eva and Ane; ranging in age from 10 years old to 1 year old.

Early on the morning of October 16th, 2009, Abby's sweet husband, Naki, passed away unexpectedly. The autopsy revealed that he had a heart condition that had never been discovered.

I have been following Abby's blog since Naki's passing and have been so inspired, grieved, humbled, strengthened, and awed by the way she has chosen to face this most difficult trial. In her last post, she acknowledged that she believed more people were reading her blog than she was aware - many of whom she did not know - and she was glad. I think she knows how much people can be strengthened by another's experience.

So, I now feel at liberty to encourage one and all to learn something from Abby.

www.sixmailechix.blogspot.com

Halloween

2009-10-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again... Time to spend the afternoon finishing up costumes, painting faces, taking pictures, forcing the kids to eat at least a few bites of dinner and lighting the jack-o-lanterns in preparation for the big night.

Here are some pictures of the kiddos before we headed out for some Trick-or Treating!

Happy Halloween everyone! Hope your weather was pleasant and your children's feet quick!

Their last mission

2009-10-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

As I was walking around the house cleaning and chatting on the phone with my sister, Heather, I heard the toilet flush in my bathroom. Now this sound would not normally have been so ominous, except that I knew where the only potty-trained people in our family were at the moment... and none of them were in the bathroom.

I thought it best to investigate and as I turned the corner into the bathroom, there was Captain Jack - hand on the flusher, watching the water go down.

For some unexplainable reason, I knew that it was not just water making it's way down the pipes. I don't know if it was the intensity with which Jack was watching that water swirl in the bowl, or what, but I just knew.

Another investigation got under way as I began thinking of what he could possibly have wanted to flush down the toilet. Vain hopes of cheap, plastic, unloved toys flitted through my mind, but no. I knew it was worse than that.

And then it hit me.

I had just seen him playing with his Rocket and Little Einsteins figures a few moments ago on one of my cleaning rounds. I hurried toward the family room wondering which one it might have been. "Please, don't let it be Annie," I thought. Annie was his favorite.

As I walked in the room to see which one was missing, my heart almost stopped.

There was Rocket... empty.

None of them were there.

In stunned disbelief and utter denial, (toys get lost all the time, right?) I turned to Jack, who had followed me, and asked, "Where's Leo?"

I could feel the blood draining from my face as he turned and headed for my room. In bewilderment, I followed him... straight to my bathroom. He lifted the lid of the potty and said, "Leo a polly."

My mouth was dry as I asked about each in turn and he answered.

"Where's June?"

"June a polly."

"Where's Quincy?"

"Kincy a polly."

(gulp...) "Where's Annie?..."

"Annie a polly."

They were gone.

And I was sad.

Those faithful Little Einsteins had been chewed on, slept on, and recently spent a month or two at the bottom of my purse so I could pull them out at anytime for Jack to play with, as they were some of his favorites and could appease him in almost any situation.

When I pulled them out this morning, I had no idea that Captain Jack would soon be sending them on their last mission.

Joy

2009-10-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as we were getting ready for church, Molly walked up to me and put a Book of Mormon in my hands. I noticed that she was holding a smaller version of the same book that she had been given by the Primary for her birthday when she turned 6 a year ago. She looked up at me said, "Mom, let's read. I want to bear my testimony of this today."

I just looked at her for a moment...

How had she caught on to the fact that because I hadn't eaten breakfast with them, I must be fasting; which meant we would be having a testimony meeting at church? Her powers of observation are amazing to me...

Then we went to the couch and read.

We've recently recommitted ourselves to regular family scripture study. Our place was marked at 1 Nephi 2:16. So we started there. It talks about how Nephi was young, but "large in stature" and that he had "great desires to know of the mysteries of God." He prayed and received a witness of the things he had been taught by his father, Lehi.

Molly and I talked about testimonies and how we can gain our own testimony if we are humble and seek the Lord in prayer.

Then we went on with our morning, getting ready for church, preparing for my new calling as the Primary chorister, etc.

Molly bore her testimony at church. It was simple and strong.

Then, this morning... We only had a few minutes before we had to get Molly off to school, Dan was already at work, and I debated about putting off scripture study until tonight. I decided that putting things off is rarely a good idea, so I quickly picked up a Book of Mormon and opened to where we left off.

"We've only got a couple of minutes, kids, so let's get started," I said.

As Molly was walking over to get her little Book of Mormon, she said, "Okay Mom, but you're gonna have to read the 2nd word in verse 20, because I don't know what it is." Then she sat down and opened her book.

I just gaped at her.

We had only read verses 16, 17 and 18, yesterday.

I opened my book to our place and looked at verse 20. The second word was "inasmuch."

How on earth did she know?

She said she had read ahead yesterday and come across that word and didn't know what it meant.

Had she really taken the initiative to read ahead on her own? And how did she remember it without looking at her book this morning?

I'll never know.

For now, I am just savoring the fact that this sweet spirit is eternally connected to mine. My mother has often quoted the scripture that says "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) I feel the same way.

Keep it up, Molly Doll. You're on the right track.

Light

2009-10-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

We have now entered the rainy season here in the Pacific Northwest and I have to say: I'm loving it!

I love watching the raindrops collect to make little rivulets on the windshield.

I love watching the rain fall at night in the light of the streetlamps.

I love hearing the rain pound on my new roof while I'm cozy and warm in my snug little house.

But probably my favorite, is seeing the effect of light on a world recently drenched by rainfall.

I was driving home in a rainstorm the other morning. As I came up a hill and the morning sun was blinding me against the rain-soaked asphalt, I began to think about light.

There are usually at least a few minutes of sun every day in the rainy season and I love those small moments when a world of gray is suddenly on fire with light. It is as though the sun wants to remind us that it's still there.

How like life.

Taco Bell and a change of heart

2009-10-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home from dance with a hot bag of Taco Bell in the front seat next to me, I passed a rather large woman walking down the street. I mean, she was very round. She looked like a circle with legs.

My first thought: "Wow, if I keep eating so much Taco Bell, I'll end up looking like her."

My second thought: "That was rude. She's probably a really nice person."

My third thought came as we were almost level to her and I could see her more clearly: "She has a very sweet face with a pleasant look about her. She's definitely a nice person. I wish I knew her better. I bet we'd be good friends."

My last thought of this woman, just after I passed her and turned the corner towards home: "I'll bet once we're both in heaven (you know - in the next life) I'll meet her again and we will become friends and we will both look perfect (or at least see each other with more perfect eyes) and I will be glad I changed my mind about her while we were still mortal."

Pumpkin Patch Trip 2009

2009-10-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

We had our annual family outing to Sauvie Island Farms last Saturday. Here are some pictures of our fun day.

Gun Safety

2009-10-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

Emma loves to make signs. Mostly, they are pictures depicting rules - things you should or should not do.

When I got home last night, Dan showed me this new one.

It means, (in Emma's words): "Don't point your shooters at people."
She asked Dan to attach the sign to his "shooter" with the tape she put on the back.

I don't know where she got the idea, but then I don't know where she gets most of her ideas. It's probably from when Dan helped her shoot targets with our bb gun, and he told her this fundamental rule of gun safety.

(And for anyone who is worried about gun safety, we keep our guns locked up at all times. Your children are safe to play here.)

Derailed

2009-10-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am a fairly structured person. Every night, I make a "To do" list for the next day. If my brain were a locomotive, my "to do" lists would be the track that keeps my train of thought going in the right direction.

A week and a half ago, however, my train was abruptly derailed.

My brother called me at 5:30 PM a week ago Saturday. By 7:15 AM the next day, my son and I were on the road to SLC. The drive that normally takes us upwards of 12 1/2 hours, took me 11. Did I speed, you ask? ... of course I did.

You see, life looks a lot different through the bug-splattered windshield of a mini-van when you know someone you love may be departing this life in a matter of hours and you don't know if you'll get there in time to say good bye.

All of the sudden, you realize that it doesn't matter if your daughter's pants got pressed before she went to school yesterday. Instead you start to realize that maybe you were too hard on her at dinner last night for not being more careful with the ketchup, and that ketchup washes off walls just fine.

I arrived in SLC sooner than I thought possible and was able to spend about a half an hour with my Grandpa, talking to him, crying on his shoulder, giving him hugs and kisses, before it was evident that he needed to sleep. Had I known that it was a sleep from which he would never wake, I would have stayed beside him all night.

He passed away less than 12 hours after my arrival.

In the week that followed, I was so grateful to be surrounded by my extended family who loved Grandpa as much as I did. Grandpa passed away early in the morning and throughout that day, as we all walked around in a daze, I became more and more aware that that is why we have families. Whenever one of us was overcome with grief there was always someone to share in it. But it wasn't pitiful. We were strengthening each other by sharing the load.

How grateful I am for families and the blessed realization that indeed, families are everything. Our family relationships matter more than anything in this life. Loving, strengthening and caring for each other should be our number one priority. Of course it begins with our immediate families, but it should also encompass our extended families, our ward families and God's family.

I have now returned home and will likely make a "to do" list for tomorrow before I go to bed. But I hope that as I check things off, I will take my eyes off the track for a moment every now and then and enjoy the beauty of the life that is mine; that I remember that loving and serving my family is not something that can or ought to be on a checklist, but rather that it should be the steel I use to make the tracks.

PS - a note about the pictures: The top one was taken over a mountain pass called Tin Cup in southeastern Idaho. I took it from inside the car as we drove from Star Valley over to Grace, Idaho, where my Grandpa was buried. The next one is of my Aunt Kris on the phone with my cousin Brady who is on his mission in Peru. She was calling to tell him of my Grandpa's passing. My brother, Matthew is sitting next to her for moral support. The next one is of me and 3 of my cousins - one from each of my mom's siblings families. Josh Johnson, me, Lauren Bearnson and Lindsey Hansen. The last one is also of my cousin Lindsey and I LOVE it! She's so beautiful, and I love the idea of the circle of life that is represented in this picture. Lindsey is in a place where people's lives on this earth have ended, but she carries a life that is about to begin. Love it.

Sad celebrations

2009-10-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my sweet Grandpa's funeral.

As funerals go, it was wonderful. I cried and cried, but not for sorrow - for "there is no sorrow in death, there is only sorrow in sin." I don't know who said that, but that quote has given me much comfort over the last week or so.

Instead I cried for joy and gratitude. I cried for my selfishness because I wanted more time with him. I cried for the heroism of my sweet Grandma who honored Grandpa's wish of not being kept alive without any quality of life. I cried for the memory of my sweet Grandpa and knowing he will still be with me. I cried wondering if I could make something of my life that he would be proud of - although, he told me over and over before he died that he was proud of me already and that he loved me.

Over the 6 weeks of Grandpa's battle with cancer, he seemed to be the one comforting everyone else. He prepared his funeral program a month ago and called me to his bedside because he had some "business" he wanted to discuss with me.

In the quiet of my parents bedroom I sat on the edge of the bed next to my Grandpa. He reached for my hand, squeezed it and told me what the "business" was that we needed to discuss.

"Now this may not be for another few months or years, but I want to discuss this with you while I am still master of my faculties," Grandpa said. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to be in charge of the music for his funeral.

I looked into his face and watched it blur as the tears started filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.

He must have known how hard it was for me to even talk about or acknowledge the possibility of his passing, because he put his arms around me and held me and let me cry.

Then he asked me to take some notes about the musical numbers he would like, but said that he would leave the final decisions about the music up to me.

As I played the violin yesterday, I was overpowered by the realization that I was fulfilling a promise that I had hoped not to have to fulfill for a long, long time. I know Grandpa was with me though, because there were several times that my mind was not on my music at all and I don't know how else to explain my relatively decent performances.

My mom and her siblings did all the speaking parts of the service and they could not have paid better tribute to Grandpa if they had had a year to prepare. Their talks were equally tender and uplifting.

It was truly a celebration of Grandpa's life and I can't help but think that he was pleased.

On a different note, it was my sweet Molly's birthday yesterday as well.

It was gut-wrenching for me to think of not being there with her to keep up all of our family birthday traditions, but I hope someday she will understand why I couldn't be there. Dan is such a wonderful dad, though, and he did the best he could to make the day special for her. He made her a red velvet cake from scratch with homemade cream cheese frosting to boot.

I called her in the morning yesterday and sang Happy Birthday to her along with 8 or 10 of my extended family members who were around the phone with me. It was small consolation for me, as I would have exchanged our rousing chorus for one love from my Molly girl in a heartbeat. I wanted to hold her and love her so badly that I'm sure part of the ache in my heart yesterday was for her.

Molly, you are such a dear girl. You bring such happiness and joy to my life. Thank you for trying so hard to do your best in all you do. You are a good girl and I love you so very, very much. I'll see you soon and we'll have another fun birthday celebration.

And so, yesterday was a day of sad celebrations. One of a life well lived, and one of a life just beginning.

Alma 40:12

2009-09-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

...says:

"...the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow."

Until we meet again, Grandpa, enjoy your rest. I love you and will forever feel your influence in my life. Come and visit when you can, and please watch over my children.

Harold Corbett Allsop
11 Dec. 1925 - 28 Sept. 2009

My Sweet Grandpa

2009-09-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

My Grandpa Harry is such a sweet man. He is also, extraordinarily humble, generous, kind, forgiving, incredibly intelligent, patient, - the list could go on and on. I chose sweet in my first statement because that seems to be the prevailing characteristic in our conversations lately.

Some of my earliest memories of Grandpa are of him putting one hand on top of my head, and one hand under my chin and he would tilt my head and plant a scratchy kiss on my cheek. Then he would chuckle just so and pat my head twice. He's done it every time I've seen him for the last 30 years.

Grandpa's memory is amazing and having lived through so much, he has incredibly detailed stories to tell of WW2 and life in small town Idaho. I am currently transcribing a memoir of his about his experiences and the experiences of many of his friends from WW2. What an incredible project that has been for me.

He came from humble beginnings, but he's a hard worker and has accomplished much with his life. He went to college and became a pharmacist, eventually owning his own drug store in the small town where he and grandma raised their four children and lived for about 35 years.

Grandpa has served faithfully in many callings in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Including as a missionary in Mongolia - at the age of 70.

Grandpa has always been the picture of health to me. He's always taken such good care of himself and is very independent. He's always chopped his own firewood for their wood burning stove and he's had a season ski pass at a local resort up through this last winter, at the age of 83.

This winter might be a different story...

At the beginning of August, I got word that Grandpa was being taken in for some tests because they thought he may have had a stroke. After several tests and scans and you name it, it was determined that he has a melanoma the size of a softball on his lung, as well as several small tumors on his brain. He underwent some pretty aggressive radiation treatment for the brain tumors and went through a round of chemotherapy for the melanoma, but has had some other health issues (blood clots, low sodium, etc.) that have made the treatment more difficult for him. After a close shave last night when he became unresponsive for a time, he was reevaluated by his oncologists and they have decided to stop his cancer treatment for now - until medically, he is strong enough to deal with it.

Grandpa, however, is adamant that without some quality of life, he'd rather move on to whatever is waiting for him on the other side.

I don't know what the future holds, but I'm so grateful to have Grandpa Harry in my life. He's such a good, good man and there is so much about him to admire. I guess I'm hoping some of it carries on to my son, grandpa's namesake, Jackson Harold.

Too Many and Not Enough

2009-09-22T20:01:00.000-07:00

Molly just lost her 2nd tooth in 3 days, which puts her at a current total of 4 teeth missing at one time! Actually it's more like 3 1/2 teeth missing because one of her top teeth has started making its way down. But still, that's quite a hole in the front of her mouth! Hopefully she'll have enough room for all those new permanent teeth to come in straight... We'll see!

Emma, on the other hand, has one too many teeth! One of her permanent teeth on the bottom has decided not to wait for her baby teeth to come out and is just coming up behind them. The baby teeth have started wiggling and the dentist said they should come out on their own within the next month. Emma's taken to wiggling her teeth like the dentist showed her, so hopefully it won't be long!

Emma-isms

2009-09-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Emma doesn't say much, but when she does... wow. Here are two examples of recent Emma-isms that I don't want to ever forget.

Emma-ism #1 -
After I picked up the girls from school today, we went to the grocery store. Emma was not thrilled about this as she was "SO hungry." I told her we would hurry and that if she was good, I would get her a treat at the checkout.

The girls were good, so as promised, I let them pick an "orange-tag treat" (as we call the candy that's on sale - there are usually 5 or 6 items to choose from). We got out to the car and I told the girls they had to be buckled in before they could open their candy.

As soon as Emma clicked her buckle, she tore open her Skittles and popped some in her mouth. Then she exclaimed, "WHEW! Just in time! My tummy was overflowing with hungry!"

Emma-ism #2 -
A few days ago the girls and I headed out for our weekly Costco run. (Jack got to stay home with Daddy.) It was right after school, so I let the girls bring a snack in the car. Emma said I was "the best mom in the world" and that when we got home she was going to make me a surprise.

A ways into the shopping trip, my patience was wearing thin and I had had enough of the running around and not staying by the cart, etc. I snapped at the girls with some version of "knock it off or so help me..."

Emma went quiet and did as she was told, but then she looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are THIS close to loosing your surprise."

Love it. I just love it.

Sunday

2009-09-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's never a good sign when you wake up on Sunday morning with a massive to-do-before-church list. I had accepted the fact that today was going to be more of a "me feeding others" day than a "me being fed" day, and as we pulled out of the driveway with two minutes to go before church started, I knew that feeling the Spirit today was going to be a challenge.

We shuffled the family into a bench in the chapel as the opening hymn was being sung around us and my mind was already going through my to-do-at-church list. We finally got settled and I was able to put a few things out of my mind as I tried to focus on the meeting I was in.

A young woman stood up to speak and somewhere between separating squirming children and picking up fallen pretzels, I followed her enough to know that she was talking about eternal families and preparing for a temple marriage.

Having grown up in this church I have probably heard several hundred talks on this subject and having already been married in the temple, I was taken aback at the intensity with which I found myself listening to her.

Then she read through some of the requirements that are necessary to be worthy to enter the temple and she said something like, "As I date and will eventually look for someone to marry I have to ask myself, is this person willing to live worthily so that he can go to the temple with me? Will he honor the covenants that we make there?"

At that moment, my "to do" lists were gone and I looked over at the man sitting next to me. I thought of the questions she mentioned and a peaceful, eternal feeling came over me, as if someone was saying, "Yes, he has and he will. You made the right choice. He is a good man."

It was the Spirit. I ended up being fed after all.

PS. To all of my dear friends who are not of my faith: to learn more about my faith, and how you can have an eternal family, visit www.mormon.org.

Molly Elizabeth

2009-09-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

One day this past summer, Molly and I went out for a bike ride. Molly rode on the sidewalk and I rode on the street next to her. I could see her wobbling a little as she struggled to stay upright.

The mother in me wanted to help. "You know, if you go faster it will be easier to balance."

"Yeah, but harder to avoid mailboxes," was her reply. Yes, those were her exact words.

That's my Molly. Always the logical thinker. She has always been quick to learn and she is full of endless questions. She is so much like me it's laughable. Literally. Sometimes she'll do something and I laugh inside as my memory finds the exact same thing in my childhood archives. Molly loves to read. Every night after Dan or I have read the girls a story, Molly will climb into Emma's bed and read her two more.

She plays the violin and is working hard to continue developing that talent. She has a sweet singing voice and loves to sing to herself. She has a tender heart and has already cried in several movies. She is very helpful and there is not a doubt in my mind that she was meant to be my oldest child. She's the perfect mother hen for her younger siblings.

Molly is such a joy. Her enthusiasm for life makes it easy for me to remember what childhood is all about.

At the dentist

2009-09-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

This morning Emma had a dentist appointment with our new dentist. I was having fun in the waiting room playing trucks with Jack, when all of a sudden, I heard Emma talking - almost shouting - from the dentist chair.

I would have been worried except all she was saying was "May 6." Then she said it again... a little louder. Then again, louder still. Then she said "I'm going to be 5" (which isn't true - she'll be six on her next birthday) in that same carrying tone.

I finally got up and looked through the glass door into the room where she was having her teeth cleaned. Right as I looked into the room, she turned her head slightly and I saw that she was wearing "movie glasses."

The dentist was chuckling a little as she said, "Okay, Emma, keep watching your movie."

Apparently the headphones were working just fine.

Emma Joan

2009-09-14T20:22:00.001-07:00

Today Emma and I had a discussion about fire. She was confused about the concept that air makes fires get bigger, and yet, when we blow on our birthday candles they just go out. I told her that if the fire's big enough, air will make the fire grow.

"So it's like water," she said. She did not elaborate.

After a moment, my thought process caught up to hers. "You mean air makes fires grow like water makes plants grow?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. That was it.

So typical. I've been Emma's mom for over 5 years and I still haven't figured her out. She is a surprise every day.

Emma recently got orthotics for her legs. She's a toe-walker and we're trying to fix that by re-training her brain and her muscles to walk heel-toe-heel-toe. Again, she completely surprised me. Although I'm sure it's tiring and painful to have your muscles stretched all day long, she rarely complains. She is just an upbeat girl and her whimsical nature brings such joy to my life.

School Days

2009-09-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

The happiness of the last two days has been tinged with melancholy. Molly started 1st grade yesterday, and Emma started kindergarten today.

I can't believe this time has already come. I feel like a mom saying goodbye to her college age child who is pulling out of the driveway with their life packed in their trunk. Have I taught them all they need to know now that they are moving out into the world?

We had a lovely, albeit small, feast celebrating the start of the school year on the evening before school started. The girls thought it was spectacular, because they got to use the "glass" plates that were the same size as Mommy's and Daddy's. It just happened to be a Monday, so we had a Back-To-School themed Family Home Evening, where we read the verses in the Doctrine and Covenants about whatever intelligence we "attain unto in this life" we will be able to take with us into the next. Then, Dan gave each of the girls a Father's Blessing through the power of the priesthood. What a blessing that is in our lives. I am so grateful that I have a husband who is worthy to hold the priesthood and to use it to bless his family.

As I went to meet Emma's bus at school to see that she got to her class okay and so I could meet her teacher and arrange her "going home plans," I was thrilled to see how excited she was. The aide that met them at the bus said that if they had a Mommy or Daddy there, they could go with them; otherwise they needed to stay with her. I told Emma this and asked her to come with me ahead of the group. Reluctantly, she followed. Then, she looked up at me and said, "I want to walk with them." I smiled at her and let her go. That, more than anything, made me feel how profoundly different life would be now.

My kiddos are growing up. I can't stop it. Nor do I want to. All I can do is make the most of every moment and make absolutely sure that they know, beyond anything, that I love them.

Boys and their toys

2009-09-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

One of the blessings of Dan's job is the plethora of days off that he gets! He got Friday and Monday off for Labor Day weekend. The weather, although quite wet in spots, was really nice. Cloudy and in the mid-70's - my favorite! Always the one for seizing an opportunity to play with his power tools, Dan decided to build the long awaited shed in the backyard. The rain was a minor hindrance but it's moving along just fine, and should be completed in a few days.

As I stood in the partially completed structure, I couldn't help but think of the pioneers. "Their houses weren't much bigger than this," I thought, "and they didn't have Home Depot down the street with pre-cut lumber." It was humbling.

Jack's new favorite toys are the Rocket, from the Little Einstiens, and any type of train you can find. I pulled out our little train set the other day and now that's all he wants to do all day! He even napped with two little train cars in his hands the other day. I can't believe he actually fell asleep!

I love watching his little, pudgy hands push the train cars around while he makes chugging sounds.

Since the girls are both in school, I'm excited to get some more one on one time with my little man... and his toys.

Summertime

2009-09-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

I don't have a favorite season. I've found that at the end of each season, I'm SO excited for the season that's coming. I guess that living in a tropical paradise would not be paradise for me. I have to live somewhere where the seasons change in traditional fashion. You know, a few snow flakes in the winter, a few really hot days in the summer, lots of flowers in the spring and colorful leaves in the fall.

That being said, I have loved the season that is now ending. We got to travel some and see lots of family, which, to me, is what summer is all about.

We went to Star Valley,WY, for the 4th of July for my family's informal family reunion. That is one of my two favorite places in the world, and the memories made there... priceless. Then, on to Salt Lake City, UT, for a week with both my parents and my in-laws. And lots of playtime with long lost cousins. Then, on to San Diego, CA, for a week of fun in the sun. It was a whirlwind trip, but so worth it.

It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful it is to get home again when you've been away for a long time. There's just something about home. As one song puts it, home is "not the place where you live, but the place where you belong." That is exactly how I feel about coming home. This is where I belong.

Time

2009-09-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

The fourth time I hit the snooze button on my alarm this morning, I finally realized - resistance is futile.

So, I turned my alarm off and laid back down, knowing I was not going to fall back asleep, (if only I could be so lucky). As I lay there, in my oh-so-perfect bed, I started thinking about time.

There are some people in this world who completely amaze me. They are so inspiring and have accomplished so much. I want to be like them.

But no. I'm not them. I'm me. Who's "me", though? Am I an inspiring or accomplished person? Not really. But why? There are just as many hours in my day as in theirs.

So then and there I decided. I was going to make something of the time granted to me today. I was going to be the best version of myself that I could be.

Then my oldest child walked in the room. Here goes...

"Good morning, Molly!" with a big smile on my face. (Best - check)

Fast forward to breakfast time. Kiddos start whining about... everything.

I sing happy songs as I pour the milk over their cereal. (Best - check)

Sniff sniff. Poopy diaper. It's my son's.

I whisk him away to the changing table and sing and laugh with him as I clean him up. (Best - check)

As I'm changing his bum, my middle child, Emma, walks in and says, "Mom, do you like changing poopy diapers?"

It was a teaching moment that I couldn't pass up.

I told her that it wasn't that I liked changing poopy diapers, but that there was a poopy diaper to be changed and I might as well be happy while I'm changing it. We used that metaphor all through chore time this morning and it worked like a charm.

Once the chores were done, the girls wanted to do something fun. With my committment to myself to make something of this day, I decided that making something of MY day meant making something of my children's day.

They wanted to do a lemonade stand. Forecast said the high would be 74 degrees.

They wanted to do a punch and cookies stand. Forecast said it would be raining.

They wanted to make cookies and deliver them to their friends. Now that, I could do. We made a double batch of chocolate chip cookies, strapped the baskets to the bikes and headed off.

We had never been on a mom-pushing-brother-in-the-stroller-while-sisters-ride-bikes walk before, and 3 minutes into it I'm thinking we should have done a trial run.

After a crazy busy street crossing, we finally make it to the first friends house. Emma was so excited to give them the cookies that she promptly crashed at the end of their driveway, and ran over the cookies which had flown out of her basket. A band-aid and 30 minutes of chit-chat later and we're off to the next friends house.

By now, I call Dan to bring the van and rescue us, because I'm fairly certain that we're not going to make it home before midnight. He obliges and meets us at 2nd friends house, where we end up visiting for the next 2 hours.

Finally, it's time to call it a day.

Now, I'm not so naieve as to think that my morning chore woes are over, or that I will forevermore be the best version of myself that I can be, but I am grateful for this happy morning and that I took the time to make something of this day.

I dream in color

2009-09-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

They say that people with active and/or creative minds do... And although I'd like to believe that my mind is both active and creative, I think a more accurate word would be frazzled. I love to think and analyze and plan, but putting my thoughts into action, or any semblance of order, is where I stumble.

My sweet grandpa recently told me that "a life worth living is a life worth recording." (This in response to a discussion of his volumes of journals that he's kept since the early 1960's.) I guess this blog is my attempt at taking his advice, and for once, trying to organize my thoughts into something comprehensible.

I am a very complex person, that is to say, I have a very complex mind. I don't feel stupid, but my thoughts have a very jumbled way of organizing themselves and they escape me sometimes. So, wish me luck as I try to make sense of my thoughts and give you an insight to my wonderful life.